Bikini-less Baristas

The latest kerfuffle in Everett is "Bikini Baristas" who, it seems, are charging customers for a little extra with their coffee.

The controversy over coffee stands with bikini-clad servers is not new. Neighbors and full-time morality monitors have been complaining about scantily-clad servers for years now--as if they couldn't see just as much by strolling down to the local park or beach on a hot day during the summer. Bikinis are not illegal or even lewd under the definition of the law, case closed.

(It's an interesting question about why bikini baristas came into being in Washington, of all places. It's cold up here! It seems like the idea would develop in southern California or Florida. Maybe it's because we're all so caffeinated up here. Or maybe it's precisely the incongruity of it that made the idea catch fire. You'll see g-strings on main street in Miami Beach, no big deal. But how often, really, do you get to see a pretty young woman in a bikini in October in Seattle? Not so often.)

The issue of late is that some of the baristas are apparently offering more than just bikini views: flashing customers for tips, or letting them touch their breasts, or catching wadded up bills in their bikini bottoms. Good clean fun in the context of a private club, but on a busy street or in full view of non-compliant residences, perhaps a bit over the line. Now five or six women have been charged with misdemeanor "prostitution" for exchanging "sex acts" for money, and the city of Everett is looking at changing its ordinances to further criminalize such behavior.

I have decidedly mixed feelings about all this. On one hand I think it was awfully foolhardy of these girls to think they could flash their pussies, let customers fondle their breasts, and lick whipped cream off each other's bosoms in full view of the neighborhood without raising people's ire. Nudity is one thing, titilating behavior is entirely another. Heck, anything that merits a breathless expose on Fox News is bound to be bad news. On the other hand, the reaction is now likely to be overblown, as it often is in these cases, criminalizing even non-sexual nudity along with the erotic (though there are a few administrators who don't seem to be losing their heads). And don't the police have better things to do?

In my opinion, the solution should have been two-pronged: first, start selling coffee in strip clubs, where the waitresses could flash whatever they wanted with their service. And second, build your coffee shops in such a way that the neighbors can't get in on the show without getting in line themselves. Build a wooden fence around your piece of property--it wouldn't cost that much, would it? Tell the baristas to keep their hands to themselves, and to make the customers do the same. And then do away with the binikis entirely.

Wouldn't you stop for a naked latte?