Dying for modesty

Most security experts agree: if full-body scanners had been in use in the airports that were used by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the terrorist who tried to blow up the American Airlines jet last week, the explosive devise strapped to his body would probably have been detected. Whether or not such devices would have been in place yet is a valid question, but it's undeniably true that the implementation of these scanners has been stymied and delayed by concerns over modesty (and Big Brother paranoia).

The scanners "look through clothing!" Well, duh. That's how you find something hidden under clothes. And all the scanners reveal is the shape of a person's body.

We try so hard, with clothing, to mask the true shape of ourselves. Have a bit of a belly? Hide it under loose-fitting clothing. Breasts a little saggy? Cantilever them into place with a supporting bra! Got a big butt? Tuck it in with tight undergarments.

But really, only the first of these three secrets would be revealed by a body scanner. The only thing you can see with the scanner than you can't see with -- pardon the pun -- the naked eye is an unbroken outline of the body. That, and any bombs or weapons you might have strapped to it.

O.K., you can see a person's butt crack. Does anyone deny that we all have one? Isn't it worth it if there's a pistol next to it? Maybe you can see, vaguely, the shape of a person's genitals. But do you really think that an airline security person, after viewing 10,000 grainy, blurry images of a man's penis or a woman's pudenda, wouldn't be too terminally bored to get excited by the sight of one more? If it were me, I'd be far more interested in whatever that odd package is hanging next to the routine Nigerian penis. That's exactly as it should be, and if that were the man with a ticket to the seat next to me, I'd walk through the scanner gladly, even stand next to him in the scanner so the security personnel had a good look at what normal looks like. Heck, I'd gladly even drop trou if that's what it took.

The security guard will forget your hidden body girdle, your short penis, your cesearean scar (if those show up) in half a second flat. That's a pretty painless price to pay to keep from getting blown up at 10,000 feet.

Top Odd Sex Stories of the Year

I enjoyed reaching through MSNBC's list of "2009's weirdest stories." There were several that I'd completely missed, others that I've already commented on (like oral sex by bats).

For what it's worth, here's my own list of 2009's top sex and nudity related stories:

1. Man paid to impregnate neighbor's wife fails 72 times
2. Frank coverage of breast exams airs on American TV
3. Bra doubles as a gas mask
4. 20% of teens engage in "sexting"
5. "Nude Mona Lisa" surfaces
6. Man loses pants on ski lift
7. Teen auctions off her virginity
8. Woman gives husband 365 days of sex
9. Man dies after consumating viagra-fueled sex orgy
10. Man hires a prostitute for his son's 14th birthday

Enjoy!

Quote of the day

"I like me better naked. I don't mean that in a vain way ... When you put clothes on, you immediately put a character on. Clothes are adjectives, they are indicators. When you don't have any clothes on, it's just you, raw, and you can't hide."

- Padma Lakshmi

You go, girl. It's nice to see a celebrity who has a healthy attitude about her body!

It's not the first time she's gone nude for a photo shoot, either. More here, here, and here.

Woman edges out horse for top female athlete of the year

If you're looking for evidence that women still aren't afforded the respect they deserve, you don't have to look much further than this year's Associated Press list of the top female athletes of the year. Number one is Serena Williams. Number two is a horse. So is number seven.

Horse trainier Bob Baffert says it's deserved. "It's for doing something extraordinary and spectacular and these horses did that and deserve the recognition," Baffert says. "They're about half human, anyway."

All right. The horses had a good year. But the AP couldn't find ten deserving female human athletes? All ten of the top male athletes were humans. (Tiger Woods is the top athlete of the decade; the question of what percentage human and what percentage animal he is has yet to be resolved.)

Feminists, understandably, are offended. Says Marjorie O'Connor, an Olympic torch bearer: "It has absolutely no reference to the women athletes that have done so much to contribute to athleticism and as role models for young girls. It's a slap in the face."

It's time to recognize that female athletes are just as deserving of respect as male athletes. It's hard to believe, as we near the second decade of the 21st century, that we need to be reminded of that.

Bikini-less Baristas redux

Didn't I suggest this two and a half months ago? KIRO 97.3 commentator Phil the News Junkie makes the point in his blog (as pointed out to him by a listener) that requiring some of the racier "bikini baristas" to apply for adult entertainment licenses just opens the doors for even more, shall we say, titillating behavior. Once you have an adult entertainment permit, why not do away with the pasties all together? Why not topless baristas, or naked baristas?

Frankly, I haven't stopped at a "bikini barista" shop yet because, ho hum, what's so special about a gal in a bikini? Sure, maybe she's hot, but the coffee's probably terrible and overpriced. And maybe she'll show me her boobs, or maybe I'll just get stiffed. But show me some guaranteed skin, and I'm there with a smile on my face.

Woman loses sick leave for having fun

Now here's one for the "news of the weird." A woman in Canada is diagnosed with major depression. Her doctor says take some time off, relax, get your head on straight, have some fun. So she does, and like anyone nowadays, she posts some pictures on her Facebook page.

Woops! Now her insurance company says she can't receive benefits any more, because the fact that she's smiling in her photos means she isn't depressed any more.

They could be right, of course. But it seems to me that getting a doctor's opinion would be a better route than assuming she's cured because she's smiling in a few photos.

Should she stop posting pictures to her Facebook page because she's depressed? Should she stop smiling--ever--just in case someone sees it and thinks she's cured? Should she post only the photos that show her scowling?

People post photos, and they tend to post the ones that are flattering. Besides, you don't advertise to the world how miserable you are, because it's unpleasant and no one gives a shit.

Seems to me she was following her doctor's advice pretty well, and making some progress toward resocializing. She even went to see the Chippendales. That sounds like one of her girlfriends' ideas: you're depressed? Let's take you to see some buff guys get their clothes off! Heck, if possible, let's get you laid! (No pictures of that, apparently.) She was probably starting to relax a bit.

Till her asshole insurance agent decided to play amateur psychiatrist.

The right to bare laundry

Hard to believe, but America's body-phobic society has now devolved to the point where it's indecent to hang one's... unmentionables on a public clothes line.

To be fair, it's also about making sure the neighborhood doesn't "look like trailer trash." But that's a pretty egocentric point of view, don't you think? Assuming that using a clothesline is indicative of "trailer trash" status is, frankly, ignorant. There are so many reasons for keeping the dryer turned off. Many poor people who don't have clothes dryers hang their clothes out of poverty, not backwardness. I know many people who hang their clothes because they prefer the fresh feel of an air-dried shirt over the static-y cling and lint-ish smell of one dried in the dryer. Many of my rural friends do so out of long tradition. And many people nowadays choose a clothes line because it's more economical and environmentally friendly.

But it's the resistance to viewing underwear under that there clothes line that tickles my funny bone. (It's especially ironic that the story has such international import that it's reported in the Tehran Times.) What kind of prudes are we when we're scandalized not only by the exposure of skin but by the layer of clothing next to the skin! Pretty soon they'll be talking about people being "naked" when they're only in their underwear.

Oops... too late.

Jane Fonda says sex is better than ever at 71

Jane Fonda says sex is better than ever at 71... despite her new knee and metal hip

You go, girl!

As for me, I hope to be having sex when I'm 100. Banging sweet young things like Jane Fonda at 71!

Only in Florida...

Florida man arrested for calling 911, asking for sex

Yeah, that'll help him get laid.

Faint praise for nude recreation

There's an article on MSNBC today that is a classic example of the conflicted attitudes we have about nudity in western culture and mass media. "5 reasons to bare it all on your next vacation," says the headline, with the subtitle "Nakation anyone? The skinny on clothing-optional vacations."

Once we get past the cringe-inducing word "nakation," the article presents a straightforward and fairly accurate summary of why clothing-optional recreation can be fun, relaxing, horizon-broadening, and no big deal. Columnist Christopher Elliott of National Geographic Traveler says that no, he has not, himself, taken a "nakation," but he's "open to it." Of course, if you watch the video at the top of the page, he says otherwise: "it's not for me," but you might want to give it a try. And no, there's nothing shameful or offensive about it, but bowing to his readers, he removed the "not safe for work" clip including naked derierres from his blog. (Hasn't he ever heard of a disclaimer? There are prudes, and then there are those those who enable prudery. It took a long time to even find that original blog post, by the way, and only with the help of an advanced Google search. In the process I also found this similar article from 2005.)

"We’re fed a lot of titillating nonsense [by mainstream media]," says Elliott, "lists like the 'Top 5 naked events' and 'Top 5 nude beaches' that leave many of us firmly convinced that all nudists are hedonists." This point is reinforced a mere screen scroll further down the page, with a side bar featuring a photo of three hunky bare-chested guys and a link to the "world's sexiest beaches 2009... our annual round-up of the sultriest stretches of sand." I'm sure Elliott wasn't responsible for this unfortunate juxtaposition, but it illustrates nicely the dilemma. Ads are chosen based on the expected demographic of the reader, and in this case, MSNBC assumes that those who choose to read about "nakations" might next be interested in learning about where to get sultry in the sand.

And don't ask Chris Elliott to refute it. He's never been skinny-dipping on vacation; he's sitting in his cubicle writing safe and unoffensive blog posts about experiences he's heard good things about from other people.

Watching the election returns

I'm watching the election returns tonight, with a particular eye toward the ballot measures addressing gay and lesbian equality. This isn't the #1 issue for most of the major news networks, so I did a Google search and came up with a site called Autostraddle.com: "news, entertainment, and girl-on-girl culture." They're "live-blogging" the election results and have the figures I'm interested in sooner than anyone else. Plus, they seem to have lots of great resources for people interested in gay and lesbian issues, from current news to links, events, and gay-themed art. Worth checking out further at another time.

Meanwhile, at the moment the two main ballot issues are running as follows:

Washington (where a "yes" vote affirms the new law, passed by the legislature, giving domestic partnership but not marriage rights to gay and lesbian couples): Yes 52.42%, No 47.58%. Good news so far!

Maine (where a "no" vote affirms the new law, passed by the legislature, allowing gay marriage): Yes 51.86%, No 48.15%, with 73% reporting. Not good news so far.

Both measures are close, which just baffles me to no end. For me, marriage equality is a no-brainer. How can it be a good thing for people with interlocking sex organs to marry but somehow it's not for an equally-committed same sex partnership? I could go into the logic in more depth, but I'm too tired tonight, and I suspect that you, dear reader, either agree with me already or never will no matter how much reason and logic is applied.

What a sad world we live in where the bedrock necessity of equal rights still isn't obvious to everyone, even in America! I just hope Washington holds on and Maine pulls it off.

The best "live blog" entry tonight:

"Rachel Maddow has a cute graphic for Referendum 71. But since I can’t take a screenshot of my TV, I’ll just show you this photo instead (I made it small, you will have to click.)"

Bats for oral sex

Classify this one under "weird and interesting."

Researchers in China have discovered that humans are not the only species that commonly engage in oral sex. Certain primates do so occasionally, but it's apparently unusual enough in the animal kingdom that scientists were surprised when they observed it to be a common practice among bats.

Specifically, they discovered that female Chinese fruit bats lick the penis of male bats as they're having sex--and that this prolongs the sex, "with each second of licking adding roughly six extra seconds of copulation. The bats spent almost twice as long copulating when oral sex was involved than when not." If you substituted "humans" for "bats" in that last sentence, you'd say, well, duh. But who knew it would be the case for bats?

The scientists theorize that there's an evolutionary advantage to longer copulation--perhaps a greater likelihood of conception, for instance--or perhaps the female bat's saliva aids conception or reduces disease transmission. Or, maybe the bats just like gettin' it on.

I'm sure there's a study out there that demonstrates the same result in humans. Women who suck their partner's cock get fucked better than women who don't; and men who eat their partner's pussy find her more receptive to getting fucked. Duh. But don't take my word for it--feel free to test this in the lab, so to speak. Here's a bit of bat porn to get you in the mood.

Touch of Life is a breath of fresh air

Nudity is such a taboo in the United States, you'd think we were all walking around in invisible burkas. Nude or even topless beaches are scarce to non-existent; women feel the need to contort themselves into pretzels to conceal the fact that they're breastfeeding a child the way nature intended; and the whole country goes into paroxysms when they see a bit of nipple on national television. (It's no surprise that that incident was the most Tivo'd event in history. Shocking! Scandalous! Let's rewind and watch it again in slow motion!)

Now, a breath of fresh air: an ABC news affiliate in Washington D.C., WJLA, has broadcast on a non-cable channel an extended story about the importance of women conducting regular doctor and self breast exams. And the footage includes a real woman demonstrating a real self-exam, with no coy blurring or masking.

The web version of the story begins with a bright red screen saying "WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEO CONTAINS ADULT MATERIAL. Viewer discretion advised" -- which is a bit disappointing, because it suggests that what you're about to see is red-band pornography rather than a story affecting roughly half of all humanity that might very well save thousands of lives. Still, it's a major milestone.

It will be interesting to watch the response. So far, WJLA's own online poll and comments summary are running six to one in favor of the broadcast. (Interestingly, the news story on ABC.com about the controversy actually censors its own image. How quaintly meta.) The most interesting thing to come out of this is that attention is being generated not about the nudity but about the underlying justification: are self-exams actually helpful in combatting breast cancer?

Some will say--with some justification--that showing a woman's breasts is in no small part a ploy to boost viewer ratings. "Dr. Nancy" on MSNBC does a good job of weighing the pros and cons in a rational, non-tabloid way. But the fact that it was broadcast at all is unprecedented for American television. If it opens the door to the idea that there are legitimate reasons for non-sexual, non-pixelated nudity on television, or to the idea that nudity isn't that big of a deal after all, then this is a good thing. It's a step in the right direction, toward the more relaxed attitudes demonstrated this year by British television, and the even more relaxed attitudes demonstrated daily on European TV. It's just bodies, people; we all have them; get over the embarassment already.

Could a PSA on testicular cancer be next?

News Flash: Hillary Swank is normal

Here's another entry in the category of "nude news of the absurd." Not that someone nude is absurd, but that the world is hyperventilating about someone else's perfectly normal nudity.

On the TODAY show, Hillary Swank revealed to Meredith Vieira that she sleeps in the nude. This, apparently, is enough to make some people break out in a cold sweat, despite the fact that most surveys show about 31% of men and 14% of women sleep in the nude nationwide. Yes, that's a minority, but with about 100 million adult women in this country, that's 14 million naked women every night, of which Ms. Swank is just one.

The other thing that has people tearing their hair out is Hillary's nonchalant admission that her boyfriend's 6-year-old son occassionally sees her naked. Of course, the news reports make this out to be something salacious, with Hillary "flashing her flesh" in front of a child, which is an absolutely absurd characterization of intrafamilial nudity. The LA Times says breathlessly, "Oh, we can see a tell-all book about being forced to see his daddy's girlfriend nude every morning in about 30 years."

This has revived the whole tired debate about whether it's acceptable for children to see their parents unclothed. Do a Google search on this and you're likely to find dozens of self-proclaimed experts writing advice columns saying santimoniously that it's not a good idea, making vague references to Freudian psychology, saying that children will be sexually stressed by seeing parents of the other sex in the nude, blah blah blah. It's difficult to find any actual research on this issue.

But guess what: what research has been done shows that it is a non-issue. Children are comfortable in whatever environment is normal for them. Children in nudist families, or simply those that are nonchalant about nudity, grow up -- guess what -- feeling nonchalant about nudity. Those that grow up in homes that are uptight about nudity grow up -- guess what -- feeling uptight about nudity. Which do you think is more healthy?

All a-twitter about nothing

This is hilarious: the blogsophere is up in arms today about a photograph posted by Meghan McCain, daughter of former presidential candidate John McCain, on her Twitter feed. The photo shows Meghan wearing -- wait for it! -- a tank top. *gasp!* And you can see her cleavage! OMG - the daughter of a Senator has boobs!

Come on, people. Only in America would this even be news. Most other civilized nations have nude or topless beaches dotting their coastlines. In many cultures a plunging neckline is practically mandatory. But ours is scandalized because someone stays home and reads a book in her bedroom in a tank top?

What a sorry state of affairs.

Don't sweat it, Meghan. After all, Jenna Bush is doing fine.

Not not NSFW

This is one of my new favorite blogs: NotNSFW, "The most suitable blog for work," which is exactly what you want to have showing up on your favorites list and browser history. Needless to say, this blog is not Not NSFW! It's rude, it's crude, it's sexy, and it's absolutely hilarious. Check out the crazy advertising campaigns featuring nude women in downtown streets. Check out the link to a map of the best places to make love in public. There's the most erotic minimalist photograph ever. And my absolute favorite: the multi-tasking young mother practicing her yoga:

Why Moms can't do yoga
by Hubzesailor

Bikini-less Baristas

The latest kerfuffle in Everett is "Bikini Baristas" who, it seems, are charging customers for a little extra with their coffee.

The controversy over coffee stands with bikini-clad servers is not new. Neighbors and full-time morality monitors have been complaining about scantily-clad servers for years now--as if they couldn't see just as much by strolling down to the local park or beach on a hot day during the summer. Bikinis are not illegal or even lewd under the definition of the law, case closed.

(It's an interesting question about why bikini baristas came into being in Washington, of all places. It's cold up here! It seems like the idea would develop in southern California or Florida. Maybe it's because we're all so caffeinated up here. Or maybe it's precisely the incongruity of it that made the idea catch fire. You'll see g-strings on main street in Miami Beach, no big deal. But how often, really, do you get to see a pretty young woman in a bikini in October in Seattle? Not so often.)

The issue of late is that some of the baristas are apparently offering more than just bikini views: flashing customers for tips, or letting them touch their breasts, or catching wadded up bills in their bikini bottoms. Good clean fun in the context of a private club, but on a busy street or in full view of non-compliant residences, perhaps a bit over the line. Now five or six women have been charged with misdemeanor "prostitution" for exchanging "sex acts" for money, and the city of Everett is looking at changing its ordinances to further criminalize such behavior.

I have decidedly mixed feelings about all this. On one hand I think it was awfully foolhardy of these girls to think they could flash their pussies, let customers fondle their breasts, and lick whipped cream off each other's bosoms in full view of the neighborhood without raising people's ire. Nudity is one thing, titilating behavior is entirely another. Heck, anything that merits a breathless expose on Fox News is bound to be bad news. On the other hand, the reaction is now likely to be overblown, as it often is in these cases, criminalizing even non-sexual nudity along with the erotic (though there are a few administrators who don't seem to be losing their heads). And don't the police have better things to do?

In my opinion, the solution should have been two-pronged: first, start selling coffee in strip clubs, where the waitresses could flash whatever they wanted with their service. And second, build your coffee shops in such a way that the neighbors can't get in on the show without getting in line themselves. Build a wooden fence around your piece of property--it wouldn't cost that much, would it? Tell the baristas to keep their hands to themselves, and to make the customers do the same. And then do away with the binikis entirely.

Wouldn't you stop for a naked latte?

Nude ballerinas in downtown Seattle

While in Seattle on business this past week, I happened on a public plaza at 3rd and Spring Street that featured two absolutely beautiful sculptures of nude ballerinas. Perched on pedestals ten feet above the ground, the two-foot tall metal sculptures faced the traffic and the surrounding highrise buildings, serenely balancing on one foot. The nonchalance of their nudity was a perfect example of "naked and simple beauty."



What made the statues even more remarkable was their detail. One statue, especially, which featured a young woman balancing on her right leg while holding her left leg, bent at the knee, in front of her. This pose exposes her vulva to the viewers below; and whereas so many artists will blur and smooth over the genital region as if it doesn't really exist, or as if they're too ashamed to portray it in accurate detail, this woman's vulva is remarkably detailed. Both the inner and outer lips of the vulva are visible. The other statue is similarly explicit but less detailed.



I wonder about the history of these sculptures. Who created them? (There was probably a sign somewhere, but I was too fascinated by the sculptures themselves to notice it.) Were they commissioned to be precisely what they are today, or did some public servant simply ask for art and end up with nude ballerinas? Did he or she worry about the public reaction to the sculptures? And what has the public reaction actually been?

I'd like to think that the reaction by everyone concerned was as nonchalant as the ballerinas themselves. With people in Florida throwing tantrums over a (non-realistic) sculpture of a nude family, it would be nice to think that Seattleites are more sophisticated than that.

I also wonder about the model (or models) for the sculptures. Does she visit the plaza to enjoy the beautiful work she helped create? Does she smile at the irony of being able to stand naked, in a sense, in the middle of downtown Seattle?

It would be interesting to try an experiment. Bring a 10-foot column and a ladder to the plaza, and pose a live, nude model on the pedestal, gazing calmly out over the city in a similarly explicit pose, with her shaved vulva nonchalantly smiling down at passersby. Would she be accepted as "art" as readily as her metal cousin? I doubt it--but why not? Why should there be a difference?

Bits and pieces

Nothing really jumps out at me in the news this Monday, but there are quite a few minor things that seem worthy of comment:

Megan Fox counts the "boys" who have seen her naked -- on one hand
Megan Fox, in an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine, says she's very self-conscious about her body, and that she can count on one hand the men who have seen her without clothes on. Poor girl! What a sadly uptight life she must lead. That's not "vagina power," that's just pathetic self-loathing. Me, I couldn't count the number of women who've seen me naked even if I used all my fingers and toes. Nude beaches, wilderness hot springs, nudist parks, and nude art modeling tend to run those numbers up pretty quickly, not to mention girlfriends, skinny dipping partners, sauna-mates... you get the picture...

Geri Halliwell shocked by beach nudist
Meanwhile, Geri Halliwell finds herself on a beach and is shocked--shocked!--to see a Real Person, not a model or celebrity on vacation, bathing without a swimsuit, and unashamed about it. Geri, of course, wears very little herself when she's on the beach (and may even think about wearing less); but in her mind, getting naked is only for making money and selling magazines, not for relaxing in the sun for your own enjoyment. She and Megan Fox could be good roommates.

Artist's model arrested for getting nude among paintings
You may have read about Zack Hyman's art project in New York City, in which he poses nude models for 30 seconds at a time in unusual settings, including the NYC subway. Recently, he (or rather, his unfortunate model) was finally arrested, for getting nude in--wait for it!--an art museum. So to NYPD Blue, it seems, artistic nudity is just fine... as long as it doesn't involve, you know, reality. And once again, the news media have followed suit: you won't find anyone out there showing pictures of the beautiful and unashamed Kathleen Neill without her "naughty bits" black-banded, stickered-over, blurred, or pixelated out. Even the documentary video made during the photoshoot is blurred out, so you can hardly tell that you're looking at a human being at all, let alone a nude one. If she's not ashamed of them--and if it's art, after all--then why must we all be subjected to self-censorship by the news media? Kudos to Huffington Post for being the lone exception that treats its readers like adults with brains of their own! See the picture they published above with this post.

Floridians can't handle the (naked) truth
Meanwhile, in Delray Beach, Florida, people are up in arms about an anatomically correct (though in my opinion that's a bit of a "stretch") sculpture on display at a shopping center. Take a look at the sculture. Can you see what the fuss is about? Only if you get up close and personal, I suppose.

Celebs get naked
Meanwhile, in other celebrity news, Alicia Silverstone reportedly gardens in the nude, inspired by Woody Harrelson. Good for them! Sounds much more comfortable, to me, than gardening in hot, sweaty, itchy clothes. For the record, I wouldn't classify it as a "bizarre activity," myself. I could see myself doing it myself. Especially alongside Alicia Silverstone.

Other celebrities reportedly have taken up naked yoga, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicolas Cage, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, and Naomi Watts. Of course, that story sounds like somebody's daydream. We'll watch for photo confirmation of that one. The photo with the article sure aint Halle Berry.

Naked Reading
In Dallas, you can attend a sophisticated cultural event involving artistic nudity by... oh, fuck. It's naked women reading books. What more do you want? It doesn't need to be any more profound than that! It's all in the great tradition of movies like La Lectrice and The Reader, which successfully combined the right-brained allure of a beautiful naked woman with the left-brained art of language for a decidedly full-brained sense of eroticism. And who can forget Bull Durham? Here's hoping Naked Girls Reading comes to Seattle.

Buy yourself (or your ex) a dissolving bikini
And finally, this: you can now buy, from Cultstyle.com, a dissolving bikini. It's being marketed as a revenge gift for ex-lovers (though I certainly don't see that angle on their European website). Three minutes in the water, and it falls apart, leaving her exposed and embarrassed for all to see. But it seems to me that, for the right woman, it would be a great excuse to suddenly and blamelessly be naked in public...

Sounds like fun, actually. Tell you what, if anyone wants to try this out and document it with photos or videos, I'll reimburse you the price of the bikini.

Non-sexual nudity no big deal on mid-day television in the U.K.

In contrast to American TV, which went into a dead faint a few years ago when a tiny bit of Janet Jackson's breast was visible for 0.56 seconds, the regulators of British television have recently affirmed that mere nudity is not inappropriate, even at mid-day. Viewers had complained about a show called "Life Class: Today's Nude," which was broadcast over the course of a week in July, in which artists guided students through drawing techniques.

Ofcom, for British television, issued a statement saying that "Life drawing is a well-known and respected form of art. In Ofcom's view, although the images of nudity were broadcast for long periods of time, they were not presented in a sexualised manner and were clearly justified by te context."

It's nice to see that somewhere in the world the people in charge have a sensible view about basic human nudity.

Naked in the window, news photographers turn away

I keep seeing news about the new Standard Hotel in New York City, which apparently advertised its grand opening with racey advertisements encouraging patrons to take advantage of its floor-to-ceiling windows. "We encourage you to exercise your inner exhibitionist," the hotel's Facebook page reportedly says. "Please share your intimate, and explicit photos with us—those floor to ceiling windows aren’t just for the views . . ." And on their website--at least for a while: "Whatever you do, just make sure the shots are HOT and that you get them to us in whichever way you can. It's all about sex all the time, and you're our star."

Now people have taken the hotel up on its suggestion, showing off in front of the windows, both alone and with each other, even filming porn shoots in full view of passers-by looking on from below, some in bemusement and others in shock. And now the hotel vows to try to encourage visitors to keep their curtains closed. Good luck getting that genie back in the bottle!

But here's the part I find interesting. Dozens of people have shown off in front of the windows, with no concern about being seen. Hundreds of people have seen them. But there doesn't appear to be more than a single uncensored photo anywhere on the Internet. You can find plenty of places with pictures that tease with strategic pixelation in the nether regions. The photo with this post is from the purple DIARY blog and, as you can see, was taken from within the hotel.

So, given a medium like the Internet that allows people to self-regulate, to see naked pictures if they want to and to not see naked pictures if they don't want to, why aren't news websites offering the option of seeing what all the fuss is about?

Major magazine features actual person

It's a bit of a "Man Bites Dog" headline, isn't it? A major American magazine contains artistic nearly-nude pictures of... wait for it... a real person, not an anorexia-thin model with eyes sunken from drug abuse!

September's Glamour magazine, "on page 194" (it's such a shocker that even the headlines direct you to the specific page!), features a 20-year-old model, yes, but one who looks like you and I did at that age. Well, not me exactly, but you get the picture. She has a "visible roll to her belly!" She has a "healthy, spongy roll of skin that gently spills over into her naked lap!" She's "showing off her pooch!" She's not airbrushed or photoshopped! She's a "plus-size model" (only a size 12, actually, but that's about 12 sizes larger than Kate Moss)!

Still, the photos are gorgeous, the kind of portrait photos I'd love to take myself (either clothed or unclothed), full of the joy of life and a natural acceptance of her own body. The model is Lizzie Miller, and the article itself is actually pretty good. But it's not the text of the article that has caused dozens of women to write to Glamour magazine. For once, on a single page (page 194, if you missed it), there is a glamorous photo of someone you could show to your daughter, someone who looks, maybe just a little bit, like them.

And damn, but she looks good.

(Glamour's online article is here. Both photos are online here.)

Lutherans to allow sexually-active gay clergy

I've been watching with interest this recent story about the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America's decision to allow openly gay, sexually active individuals to serve as members of the clergy. It fascinates me on several levels, but especially in the sense that it's emblematic of the ongoing war between common sense and those who believe that their own interpretation of old, crusty, dry scriptures is the infallible writ of God.

We see the same thing in the debate over the science of evolution. How could evolution be true if the world is only 6,000 years old? How could anything possibly be true that exceeds the scientific understanding of middle eastern fishermen in AD 30?

And now 68% of Lutheran delegates say that God approves of loving, committed relationships between two people, even if they don't have interlocking anatomy! What is the world coming to? How can such heathen people possibly have insights on spiritual truth?

Our own local Lutheran church, which I attend off and on, is a member of ELCA, and our regional delegates voted in favor of the new policy, though our local pastor opposes it. I will be watching with interest to see whether the larger church's acceptance of unity among lesbians leads to disunity among Christians.

Our pastor's position is that homosexuals were made that way by God, but should "choose" not to exercise that sexuality, as directed by scripture. I say, how very Catholic. Isn't it the Mother Church that decided pastors could be heterosexual as long as they didn't practice their sexuality? And how is that working out?

Seems to me the Bible also frowns on masturbation and other "abominations" while approving (albeit inconsistently) of slavery, polygamy, spousal abuse, and the infanticide of children who don't respect their parents. I suppose some would say, based on holy scripture, that a "practicing" masturbater could not pastor a church. How would they know, do you suppose? And for that matter, how would they know what a homosexual couple living together did or did not do in the privacy of their own bedroom? Couldn't they just say they were mutually celebate? Don't ask, don't tell.

But then, telling a lie would rule you out as a pastor too, I suppose. It's apparently a far more venal offense that living a lie.

Jackie-O sent nude pictures to Andy Warhol

What do you know. Yesterday I commented that it seems every celebrity these days has candid nude pictures of themselves floating around somewhere. You flirt a little bit, and soon you're giving naked photos to each other for birthday presents. Where did such a trend start?

Turns out, maybe with Jacqueline Kennedy. It's not exactly a new story--Hustler magazine featured the photos in its August 1975 issue. But archivists going through the massive collection of Andy Warhol (a pack rat's pack rat) have turned a signed copy of Hustler's poster of Jackie-O sunbathing au naturel, with the inscription "For Andy, with enduring affection, Jackie Montauk." It seems the pictures were taken at Warhol's Montauk estate by Jackie's second husband, Aristotle Onasis, who probably was responsible for passing them on to Larry Flynt. Jackie sent the poster to Andy Warhold as "a joke," according to the news reports. That's the kind of joke I'd like to be the butt of (no pun intended)! The signature has been authenticated by handwriting experts.

The best complete set of the photos I could find online is at the A Doll Babes blog (with popups); you can also find them at Bitty Requests, but you'll have to scroll down to look for them. That's a fine looking bush, Jackie!

More naked celebrities

Seems like every celebrity these days has candid nude pictures online. And why shouldn't they? In the age of digital cameras and cell phones that can snap pictures anywhere, they're not the only ones. Latest among the celebs: Ashley Greene, from Twilight, and Vanessa Hudgens (again), both of whom are, frankly, hot, and shouldn't be nearly as embarrassed as they seem to be.

Then there's Eric Dane, along with his wife Rebecca Gayheart and their friend Kari Ann Peniche, hanging out (no pun intended) and relaxing naked in a hot tub. This is being billed everywhere as a "sex tape," though there's nothing sexual in it; to me, it just looks like a trio of friends, well, hanging out. (Except on Gawker.com, which shows the video with strategically placed digital pasties, as if it'll burn our eyeballs out to see Eric Dane's penis. Seriously, get a life.) I know, I'm as turned on by nudity as the next guy, especially when you're lucky enough to be surrounded by gorgeous naked women, but seriously, maybe they were just "having fun." And even if they weren't, who the fuck cares? They're three consensual adults. Get over it. And from Access Hollywood: the family of Kari Ann is "heartbroken over the release of the tape, but still 'loves her very much' and is not happy with the choices she has made." Please. She's an adult, for God's sake.

It's time to just take a deep breath and relax, everybody. It's a non-issue except to the titillating rumor-mongers who want to sell ad space on celebrity gossip websites.

More naked riders in Seattle

Riding a bicycle naked through the streets of Seattle is becoming something of a tradition, with the World Naked Bike Ride, spring solstice, and gay pride parade all sporting nude enthusiasts, often clad in elaborate bodypaint. Sunday they found a new excuse: Hempfest. The Seattle PI reports that a several people rode nude during the event; from the photos, it looks like seven men and one woman.

I'm not a supporter of legalized marijuana myself, though I think restrictions on medical marijuana use and hemp products are ridiculous. But I'm all for freeing the mind and body: no consciousness-altering drugs necessary.

The tush on this woman is consciousness-altering enough, don't you think?

Remembering Woodstock 1969

There's an amazing amount of commentary out this weekend rehashing the significance or non-significance of Woodstock. I wasn't there, so what do I know--but the very fact that everyone's talking about it seems to indicate, to me, just how significant it was. Even if the actual experience was filthy, crowded, and miserable, the event has grown into mythic status as a symbol of an idea. Peace, love, and rock & roll: how you can you argue with that?

August 15-17, 2009

The 33-year-old virgin

I was surfing the web last night and came across this article in The Examiner about the connection between Christianity and America's prudishness about nudity and sex. I agree with the main premise of the article, that "much of the American stigma concerning sex, sexuality, and nudity has to do with 'traditional Christian values' as defined by fundamentalist Christianity," though in my opinion the article devolves into a bit of a rant.

But the illustration accompanying the article is just damn funny.

Charlize Theron says nudity is no big deal

Interviewed in the upcoming September issue of Vogue magazine, Charlize Theron says she doesn't have any problem disrobing on film.

“That isn’t about me,” she says, as quoted by Access Hollywood. “I don’t look at the movie and go, ‘Jesus, my ass is really saggy.’”

Theron will appear totally naked in the upcoming movie "The Burning Plain." The Upcoming Nude Scenes blog already has a clip of the scene posted on their website (how do they do that?), and it looks great. Of course, Charlize Theron would look great nude in a garbage dump. I don't have photographic evidence of that, but I have every confidence it would be true.

Charlize has the advantage of being totally drop dead gorgeous to boost her self esteem. But we all know that beauty doesn't have anything to do with self esteem, and there are plenty of beautiful actresses who categorically refuse to appear nude on screen. Others are game for anything if it advances a good story, even if they aren't classically handsome: Kathy Bates in "About Schmidt" comes to mind, in my opinion one of the better nude scenes on film that year, if only for the knowing glint in Bates's eye, just daring you to raise your eyebrows. And for the look on Jack Nicholson's character's face, as he tries to look everywhere but at her.

My favorite this year is Kate Winslet in "The Reader," an extraordinary film that has Winslet appearing totally nude multiple times in all of her glory. I've always admired Winslet's candor on film, especially since she doesn't possess a typically skeletal Hollywood body. (She says she's going to hang it up, but I'll believe it when I don't see it.) Lately her age has begun to show as well; her breasts sag more in "The Reader" than they did even a few years ago in, say, "Iris." But she is who she is, and she's unashamed of any of it, even if she has wider curves, thicker hair (you know what I mean), and some signs of age. That's what makes her so beautiful.

Great quotes

In researching ideas for the title of this blog (since so many of the good ones were already taken), I came across a lot of great quotes about nakedness. Here are some of my favorites, mostly from the great Brainy Quotes website.

Two or three things I know for sure, and one is that I'd rather go naked than wear the coat the world has made for me.

- Dorothy Allison (Well-said, Dorothy.)

People's attitudes about sex aren't healthy anywhere, except maybe in those tribes where they go around naked.

- Asia Argento (I tend to agree.)

I wasn't really naked. I simply didn't have any clothes on.

- Josephine Baker (There's a woman with her head screwed on straight.)

I like to walk around my apartment naked. I like sitting around in the nude watching sports, actually.

- Kylie Bax (That, I'd enjoy seeing. She's beautiful even with clothes on.)

I rarely wear clothes when I'm home by myself. I love making breakfast naked. But you've got to make sure the gardener's not coming that day.

- Kristen Bell (I'd love to be her gardener.)

Nakedness reveals itself. Nudity is placed on display. The nude is condemned to never being naked. Nudity is a form of dress.

- John Berger (And both nakedness and nudity are wonderful for their own reasons.)

Posing nude is not making porn.

- Blu Cantrell (Absolutely true.)

No nude, however abstract, should fail to arouse in the spectator some vestige of erotic feeling, even if it be only the faintest shadow - and if it does not do so it is bad art and false morals.

- Kenneth Clark (Interesting thought. I think I agree.)

I personally don't have a problem with naked bodies on television.

- Leslie-Ann Down (I agree, Leslie-Ann. Drop the prudish censorship. Plus TV viewership would go up.)

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

- Buddy Hackett (I disagree. I hate golf. But naked people would make it more fun.)

My ideal is to wake up in the morning and run around the meadow naked.

- Daryl Hannah (My ideal is to wake up next to her.)

I'm gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked.

- Jimi Hendrix (So that's why!)

You don't have to be naked to be sexy.

- Nicole Kidman (But it helps, as she's proven decisively.)

I wasn't naked, I was completely covered by a blue spotlight.

- Gypsy Rose Lee (I almost named this blog "blue spotlight" based on this quote.)

To see you naked is to recall the Earth.

- Federico Garcia Lorca (Based on a great poem.)

Shoes and clothing damage our ability to survive naked in the wilderness.

- Steve Mann (That's why everyone should practice being without them.)

I'm glad I am a woman who once danced naked in the Mediterranean Sea at midnight.

- Mercedes McCambridge (I didn't even know who she was, but I like her!)

I used to sleep nude - until the earthquake.

- Alyssa Milano (What does she think she has to be ashamed of?!)

Flesh sells. People don't want to see pictures of churches. They want to see naked bodies.

- Hellen Mirren (Who should know.)

I didn't need clothes. I was allowed the opportunity to act out moments you don't get the opportunity to experience in your own life, let alone as a character in a film. I didn't feel naked.

- Marguerite Moreau (I'm not sure which film she's referring to, but it sounds like one to see.)

I love to swim in the nude and roam around the house in the nude. You're just as free as a bird!

- Bettie Page (Who had one of the healthiest attitudes toward sexuality that anyone has ever shown.)

A bare assertion is not necessarily the naked truth.

- George Dennison Prentice (Clever, and true, albeit not really about nudity!)

I used to wear boxers and a tank top, but now I sleep in the nude. It's kind of weird, because I used to have to wear something to bed, whether it was a tank top or whatever. And now if I have any clothes at all on, it's really hard to get to sleep.

- Laura Prepon (My experience exactly.)

Man's naked form belongs to no particular moment in history; it is eternal, and can be looked upon with joy by the people of all ages.

- Auguste Rodin (Who proved his point quite conclusively.)

Being naked approaches being revolutionary; going barefoot is mere populism.

- John Updike (I agree. What's the fun of only going halfway?)

And finally, of course, the classic poem by Robert Graves, "The Naked and the Nude," which begins:

For me, the naked and the nude

(By lexicographers construed

As synonyms that should express

The same deficiency of dress

Or shelter) stand as wide apart

As love from lies, or truth from art.

Naked and Simple Beauty

The first post of a new blog is, I suppose, a significant one--something that should set the tone for what's to follow.

Screw it.

I've started and restarted this "portentious" first post half a dozen times now. But I don't want to be portentious. I just want to talk about sex, to discuss things I've seen online and in the news, and to tell stories from my own life. I love sex, I love erotica in all forms, and I love to be naked. I love to try new things, and to think about trying new things, and to find ways of turning the latter into the former. I enjoy fine art and erotic photography and aspire to create some of my own. I would describe skinny dipping as the second most enjoyable thing in life, and have spent many enjoyable hours swimming in mountain streams, lakes, and hot springs. I've visited nudist parks and nude beaches, and enjoy them for their ecstatic freedom as much as I appreciate the eroticism of strip clubs. I'm fascinated by the differences between American prudishness and European candor, and by the fact that women can bare their breasts to sell magazines and subscription websites but, often, not to relax comfortably on a beach or breastfeed their children. I'm intrigued by a culture that rates extreme violence in movies as PG-13 but slaps an NC-17 on a film that shows two people having sex without being coy about the fact that one of them has a penis with a condom on it.

That's as much of a bullshit manifesto as I intend to write. From here on, let's talk about sex and nakedness!

The title of this blog comes from a quote by Galileo.

Facts which at first seem improbable will, even on scant explanation, drop the cloak which has hidden them and stand forth in naked and simple beauty.

Not necessarily the best quote for what I want to do with this blog, but I like the sentiment and I'm a big fan of Galileo. My first choice for a title was actually "Total Immersion," based on my love of swimming naked, but that title is already taken by a swimming blog that doesn't have anything posted beyond a title. That seems to be true of a lot of the best web addresses: Naked Eye, The Naked Eye, Naked Truth, The Naked Truth, Stark Naked, Undressed, Simple Beauty, Naked Villainy (from Shakespeare), and, simply, Naked. The authors didn't get much beyond the thrill of posting a title and maybe a few entries, then abandoned them, like the best fruit left to rot and dry up on the vine. Some haven't had postings for seven or eight years. You'd think Google would retire them after that long.

Naked Beauty hasn't been updated in almost four years, but at least its sole entry is a tribute to a great nude painting. The blog at Naked and Nude leads with the header "Fuck"... and has no entries. Maybe that one word, put out there into public cyberspace, was enough to get the author off. No need to go furth.

Other good titles are active blogs that don't have anything to do with sexuality. "Unseamly" is a cleverly-titled quilting blog.

And then there are a few legitimately good blogs. "Without a Stitch" is the blog of a woman who poses for life drawing classes (something I have some experience with myself). "The Naked and the Nude" is a blog about nudity in the news, a great topic, which has recently been merged into a blog about nakedness more generally called "Wired Tales." This is probably the existing blog that mine will be most similar to, but with fewer pictures of pudgy naked men and more of beautiful naked women, my own interest being more more toward the latter than the former.

No matter; "Naked and Simple Beauty" is a simple and beautiful title, and one that fits well with my thoughts on sexuality. There's nothing more beautiful, and more thrillingly free, alive, and erotic, than simple, unashamed nakedness.