News Flash: Hillary Swank is normal

Here's another entry in the category of "nude news of the absurd." Not that someone nude is absurd, but that the world is hyperventilating about someone else's perfectly normal nudity.

On the TODAY show, Hillary Swank revealed to Meredith Vieira that she sleeps in the nude. This, apparently, is enough to make some people break out in a cold sweat, despite the fact that most surveys show about 31% of men and 14% of women sleep in the nude nationwide. Yes, that's a minority, but with about 100 million adult women in this country, that's 14 million naked women every night, of which Ms. Swank is just one.

The other thing that has people tearing their hair out is Hillary's nonchalant admission that her boyfriend's 6-year-old son occassionally sees her naked. Of course, the news reports make this out to be something salacious, with Hillary "flashing her flesh" in front of a child, which is an absolutely absurd characterization of intrafamilial nudity. The LA Times says breathlessly, "Oh, we can see a tell-all book about being forced to see his daddy's girlfriend nude every morning in about 30 years."

This has revived the whole tired debate about whether it's acceptable for children to see their parents unclothed. Do a Google search on this and you're likely to find dozens of self-proclaimed experts writing advice columns saying santimoniously that it's not a good idea, making vague references to Freudian psychology, saying that children will be sexually stressed by seeing parents of the other sex in the nude, blah blah blah. It's difficult to find any actual research on this issue.

But guess what: what research has been done shows that it is a non-issue. Children are comfortable in whatever environment is normal for them. Children in nudist families, or simply those that are nonchalant about nudity, grow up -- guess what -- feeling nonchalant about nudity. Those that grow up in homes that are uptight about nudity grow up -- guess what -- feeling uptight about nudity. Which do you think is more healthy?

All a-twitter about nothing

This is hilarious: the blogsophere is up in arms today about a photograph posted by Meghan McCain, daughter of former presidential candidate John McCain, on her Twitter feed. The photo shows Meghan wearing -- wait for it! -- a tank top. *gasp!* And you can see her cleavage! OMG - the daughter of a Senator has boobs!

Come on, people. Only in America would this even be news. Most other civilized nations have nude or topless beaches dotting their coastlines. In many cultures a plunging neckline is practically mandatory. But ours is scandalized because someone stays home and reads a book in her bedroom in a tank top?

What a sorry state of affairs.

Don't sweat it, Meghan. After all, Jenna Bush is doing fine.

Not not NSFW

This is one of my new favorite blogs: NotNSFW, "The most suitable blog for work," which is exactly what you want to have showing up on your favorites list and browser history. Needless to say, this blog is not Not NSFW! It's rude, it's crude, it's sexy, and it's absolutely hilarious. Check out the crazy advertising campaigns featuring nude women in downtown streets. Check out the link to a map of the best places to make love in public. There's the most erotic minimalist photograph ever. And my absolute favorite: the multi-tasking young mother practicing her yoga:

Why Moms can't do yoga
by Hubzesailor

Bikini-less Baristas

The latest kerfuffle in Everett is "Bikini Baristas" who, it seems, are charging customers for a little extra with their coffee.

The controversy over coffee stands with bikini-clad servers is not new. Neighbors and full-time morality monitors have been complaining about scantily-clad servers for years now--as if they couldn't see just as much by strolling down to the local park or beach on a hot day during the summer. Bikinis are not illegal or even lewd under the definition of the law, case closed.

(It's an interesting question about why bikini baristas came into being in Washington, of all places. It's cold up here! It seems like the idea would develop in southern California or Florida. Maybe it's because we're all so caffeinated up here. Or maybe it's precisely the incongruity of it that made the idea catch fire. You'll see g-strings on main street in Miami Beach, no big deal. But how often, really, do you get to see a pretty young woman in a bikini in October in Seattle? Not so often.)

The issue of late is that some of the baristas are apparently offering more than just bikini views: flashing customers for tips, or letting them touch their breasts, or catching wadded up bills in their bikini bottoms. Good clean fun in the context of a private club, but on a busy street or in full view of non-compliant residences, perhaps a bit over the line. Now five or six women have been charged with misdemeanor "prostitution" for exchanging "sex acts" for money, and the city of Everett is looking at changing its ordinances to further criminalize such behavior.

I have decidedly mixed feelings about all this. On one hand I think it was awfully foolhardy of these girls to think they could flash their pussies, let customers fondle their breasts, and lick whipped cream off each other's bosoms in full view of the neighborhood without raising people's ire. Nudity is one thing, titilating behavior is entirely another. Heck, anything that merits a breathless expose on Fox News is bound to be bad news. On the other hand, the reaction is now likely to be overblown, as it often is in these cases, criminalizing even non-sexual nudity along with the erotic (though there are a few administrators who don't seem to be losing their heads). And don't the police have better things to do?

In my opinion, the solution should have been two-pronged: first, start selling coffee in strip clubs, where the waitresses could flash whatever they wanted with their service. And second, build your coffee shops in such a way that the neighbors can't get in on the show without getting in line themselves. Build a wooden fence around your piece of property--it wouldn't cost that much, would it? Tell the baristas to keep their hands to themselves, and to make the customers do the same. And then do away with the binikis entirely.

Wouldn't you stop for a naked latte?